It’s Been Awhile

What does it mean to trust? What does it mean to walk in faith? Do we discount faith and rely only on reason or vice versa? These are the type of questions that sprint through my head every minute of every day. Why? Because choosing one over the other can altar my personal future. And I am afraid of what each outcome may bring.

If I were to walk in faith I must then prepare myself to blindly follow something or someone without question and not worrying about logic. In other words I would have to be present and stay in the moment and not worrying about others. The positive side of this lifestyle is that I can better myself by being more intentional with others in conversation while pursuing different spiritual practices that could put my mind at ease by praying ( at least in the Christian tradition) to God and Jesus Christ. The negative, or at least head scratching, is that if I were to walk in faith then it’s likely that I would not rely on critical thinking or question what is inaccurate or inconsistent.

If I were to choose reason and logic then I can utilize my brain. For me, I like to use my average brain as if I were playing a game of chess. True life is not a game, but I think about my actions and what the reactions could be. Critical thinking allows me to look at evidence that can be combined to form an idea or a research paper, film, book, etc. The brain is a marvelous piece of tissue that I absolutely no nothing about. The brain allows me to think about all the possibilities and outcomes. When I think, process, and share knowledge I can become my best self. However, the flip side of this life is that emotion cannot be involved. Using emotions to make a conclusion is dangerous and can reveal a difficult truth. In my opinion, critical thinking is vital, but there must be some balance of emotion.

The reason I believe this to be true is because if a human being were to be living one life or the other is not healthy. To me, a necessary balance must exist in order for human beings to be, well, human beings. We must live in faith as well as using our brains. That may look different to you. That’s okay, I do not expect any reader to have the same thoughts as me. Life would be boring if we did.

Ideally, this is how I want to live my life. I want to find this balance, but I’m not there yet. I must first battle my racing thoughts. Second by second, minute by minute. These thoughts speed around my brain as if it was a Nascar racetrack. I do not know when I will find this balance. It could be during my time in Hawai’i or it could be when I’m 99 years old( Lord willing).

But this battle is difficult. In my life I’ve shielded myself from others; as a result I’ve hindered relationship building amongst friends. I’ve hurt others emotionally from these thoughts but I also hurt myself. Last year in Colorado my job performance took a hit. My position changed throughout the year. Now, I must begin that difficult work so that I can move onward to choose the life I want to live. To find balance, and more importantly, peace.

I hope to find that during my time in Hawaii. So far the camp is transitioning into a new culture so that the new Executive Director will feel at ease when he moves the camp into a new direction. During this transition I’ve encountered different emotions ranging from happiness to anger. I suffered a mild concussion, I practiced belaying, and still I am one of three facilitators for school groups when they come to do camp programs. The camp is not the easiest place to work, but it can be the most rewarding if you allow it to be. I look forward to more of these opportunities and the emotions that come with it. Because without the emotion, life can be pretty boring.

Well, this is all I have for this blog. It’s been awhile since I’ve posted something. I don’t have the patience to write a narrative anymore. Writing this type of blog is more my style. I do not have a picture this time, but I promise that the next blog of mine will. Thank you for your patience for reading this entry. I hope you’ll read the next one I’ll post. I guarantee it will be different .


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